Forward I Shall Move

I am stopping the counting of days.  There are going to be lots and they will all run together. (I don't need to keep track of anything else!)

Oncologists, Procedures and Crafting....Oh My!

Oncologist

March 17 (Thursday)

We love my oncologist!  We will call him DH (maybe he is the designated hitter) to keep it short and sweet.  My nurse navigator was able to stop in and meet us and it was great to put a face to a name.  We will call her NN to keep everything straight.

I sat on the table with Robert and Sandy in chairs on my left.  (It's been a few days, so I am going to try to remember the details as well as possible.)  He told us it was stage 2, but that he wanted a larger biopsy sample to make sure.  He said we would start with six months of chemo and then surgery. It would be three months once a week and then three months of once every three weeks. This confused me because I assumed we would remove the dang thing as soon as possible.  He explained the odds were better if we killed it and then removed it completely.  He told me I would lose my hair.  We talked about the cold cap to slow the loss, but it would be inevitable I would lose it.  (I have heard from several people that I might not, but he was very certain that I would.  I do think in some circumstances and based on the chemo drug, some people are lucky and can keep their hair, but that won't be me.)  We also talked about where to do the chemo.  Since he also works out of the Festus Mercy location, I will be able to stay much closer to home for the treatments.  April 6th would be chemo day 1, but there was lots to do before that day.  We were probably in the room for 45-60 minutes.  He did an exam and left us with some instructions for upcoming biopsy, central line port and blood work. We would also need to schedule a CT scan and ecocardiogram.  He said not to do any unnecessary dental work during chemo.  In my head I screamed "NO."  If you know me very well at all, you know I put off the dentist as much as humanly possible.  I knew there was work to be done quickly.  We left with our heads still spinning, but at least with a little bit of direction.  Circular direction, but a direction none the less.  I had my blood drawn before we left the building.  I was able to see the treatment room at that location since I had to walk through it to get my blood drawn.  One quick and painless stick and we were on our way.

Originally, we thought the biopsy and port placement could be done on the same day, but scheduling didn't allow for the doctor to be there at the same time.  So, we scheduled the biopsy for the following Tuesday and then port placement a day later on Wednesday.  You should also know Robert was leaving for a fishing trip on Sunday and I was leaving for a weekend trip on Thursday, so we knew the week was going to be crazy, but we chose not to cancel anything because we might not get to get away for another six months, or more!

Procedures

March 22 Biopsy Day (Tuesday)

Pretty straight forward.  Sandy brought me back up to the Mercy office at Clayton/Clarkson (CC from here on out.) Back on the table, stuck by a huge needle then headed to the mamogram room to make sure the marker they left was in the right place.  Here comes another curveball.  The doctor wants to do an ultrasound because one of the lymph nodes looks larger than last time.  (I didn't realize it at first, but this was the same doctor who talked to me after the first ultrasound back on February 25th.) Back on the table, she shows me on the screen what she doesn't like and asks if I want to go ahead an biopsy the lymph node.  (Why does she always have to give me bad news?  I mean, I like her a lot, but seriously?!?) Really just thinking I don't want to come back for another stick, I said yes, let's get a better look.  I didn't think it was much because it was up to me whether to do it, or not.  Off the table and out the door.  Another 2-4 day wait that would be more than 2-4 days.

March 23 Port Placement Day (Wednesday)

Izzy was off and able to take me to the hospital for the procedure. It was at Big Mercy (BM), so it was a little challenging for someone who isn't used to driving in these areas, but she did great!  Sandy was my lifesaver and picked up Seth from work.  She also made us a very yummy dinner. I tried looking at the info for the port placement, but it just made me queasy everytime I thought about the placement.  I never would have made it through a full blown anatomy class!  Soreness is on the agenda for the next few days, but I had things to do and I wasn't letting this slow me down.  They told me I could return to normal activities the next day.  So, what does any normal, sane person do?  They pack up and go to a three day crafting convention!

Crafting

March 24-27 - A Great Time (Thursday - Sunday)

My friend Amanda and I headed out on a great adventure to Culture Con on Thursday morning.  It was in Fayetteville, AR (Doesn't everyone dream of a getaway to Arkansas?  Well I did!) and we just wanted to be there by three for the early registration.  We made it and started a great weekend of crafting and learning and shopping and of course, eating.  We made so many new friends and fan girled over You Tube crafters we have been watching for years. I am pretty sure we did enough bank account damage for several people!  Amanda made sure I was feeling ok and that I didn't do anything too crazy, but also made sure I was comfortable enough to have a great time.  The nights were the worst and they got better each night.  It was just soreness and some of me worrying I was moving wrong and would screw something up.  I would like to say I didn't think about the biopsy results all weekend, but a little bad news came along the way.

Now to backtrack a bit.  At some point during the drive down, I got an alert of test reults being available.  Now, know that I have kind of become numb to the dinging of certain apps and Mercy is one of them.  I get either a result a reminder or a survey text about four to five times a day.  I decided to look at this one, and yep, it was the news no one wanted. Everything was bigger (the lump and the lymph node) and both have cancer.  I just shrug and move on.  I told Amanda what I had read, but that I wasn't stressing over it, because surely they would call soon.  No, they didn't call, but I have a surgical consult scheduled for Tuesday, so maybe they are just trying to decide if something needs to change, or they just want to wait and talk about it then.  I thought about calling NN, but day four was going to be on Monday and the appointment was the next day.  I was sure not much could possibly change between now and then.

Tomorrow is the surgical consult and I will get to meet my surgeon for the first time.  Seems funny to have a surgical consult when surgery is pretty far out, but they are all part of my care team and everyone needs to stay on the same page.

A few things to note:

• I'm still doing really well.  I think I will until I don't feel good. I'm not really sure how I am doing it (well, I do...see below,) but I am proud of myself.  Just a few years ago I would have curled into the fetal position and cried for as long as I could.
• I just found out a friend from work is going through a very similar situation, so I can vent/talk to someone who knows exactly how I am feeling.
• I need to start wig shopping.
• We are getting out of town one more time this weekend to celebrate my nephew's wedding in Arkansas (It really is a dream desination! Do you believe me yet?  I mean, I live in Misery - ahem...Missouri.)  We wanted to leave early on Friday to get down there in time to relax a bit, but thanks to all my upcoming tests, we can't leave until more towards the evening.
• I still haven't decided on a name for this thing (now things.)  I have recieved some really good suggestions, but none have hit home just yet.
• My dentist appointment is on Wednesday.  I need some big prayers for that as my anxiety is over the roof already.  I know you want to say it, but you don't need to! (Trust me, I know what you are thinking!...Really!)
• I have purposely left my spirituality out of this blog.  I am keeping it lighthearted and not as serious as I probably should, just know that I do trust that God has me through this journey and he is showing me with my strength right now.
• Nothing is a secret at this point.  Feel free to talk amoungst yourselves and ask questions and/or check in on me.  I still might take forever to respond, but it is not a taboo subject (I can't wish it away.  All I can purposefully do is deal with it and move forward.)  I really dislike hush hush conversations.  We really can talk about it!
• I'll update again once I have some solid information (okay, maybe mushy information since things change quite often.)